


Christmas on Terra Firma

by tprillahfiction



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Advent 2017, Advent Calendar, Celebrating Christmas, Christmas, Christmas fic, Established Relationship, K/S Advent, M/M, Snow, X-Mas, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 18:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12989970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tprillahfiction/pseuds/tprillahfiction
Summary: Kirk and Spock go hiking on Earth on a shore leave during the Christmas season.  There’s a blizzard, they take shelter in a cabin locked up for winter and receive a holiday surprise.A Farce.  Written for K/S Advent 2017





	Christmas on Terra Firma

Christmas on Terra Firma

 

Jim and Spock trudged in the snow. Their feet sunk in with every step. Their outerwear was rated for freezing temps, but it seemed to grow progressively colder and was becoming beyond bearable. Snow fell harder and harder. A blizzard was on the forecast, but it was days away.

Jim had insisted upon dragging Spock along, spending shore leave hiking in the mountains on Earth. They’d be back in time on board the Enterprise for Christmas. Many of the crew had also taken shore leave, they had a skeleton crew aboard.

Even though the Vulcan was clad in a thermal hat, mittens, a huge scarf, winter thermals under a down coat he still looked like he might turn into a Vulcan popsicle.

“You alright, Spock?”

“Yes, Jim. And you?”

“It’s cold.”

“Indeed,” the Vulcan said, his breath visible as he spoke. “My tri-corder reading now indicates that the blizzard is closing in fast. We must beam up to the Enterprise, immediately. We cannot be out here in such conditions.”

“You brought a tri-corder along on our hike, Spock?” Jim teased, knowing fully well of course Spock would bring it along. “I didn’t notice you taking any readings.”

“You were too busy complaining,” Spock replied.

“I was not!” Jim said.

Spock probably raised an eyebrow but Jim couldn’t see it under the hat pulled down to just above the Vulcan’s dark eyes, the scarf covering his face. Jim wished he had a holo-camera to document the occasion.

Jim dug into his coat, pulled out his communicator. “Kirk to Enterprise.”

“Scott here, Captain.”

“Scotty…I guess my shore leave is canceled. Fun’s over. Time to beam us up.”

“Captain, I canna do that at the moment.”

“Explain, Scotty.” Jim shivered again.

“There’s a wee bit of a malfunction in the circuitry. I canna beam you up.”

“What? You’re kidding. Now? We’re in the middle of a blizzard!”

“I know, Captain. I’m sorry.”

“Scotty…if you don't have that thing fixed on the double, you’re fired.”

“Aye, Sir. That I am.”

Another voice broke in. Bones grumbling: “Jim! Why didn’t that Chief Science Officer of yours check the goddamned weather reports?!”

“I did check the weather reports, Doctor,” Spock replied. “Twice.”

“How could you not know there was an impending blizzard? Spock, are you outta your Vulcan mind? Dragging Jim out into the cold.”

“I’m not a child, Bones,” Jim said.

“The blizzard was not due for a few days,” Spock said.

“I’m the one who brought us out here, Bones,” Jim said. “It’s not Spock’s fault.”

“Hang in there, Jim, do everything you can to stay warm, ya hear me?” Bones said. “Everything you can. If that includes sacrificing your First Officer, well, so be it.”

“Very funny, Bones. Now, put Scotty back on.”

“Scott here.”

“Fix those circuits, on the double!”

“Aye. I’m on it, Captain.”

“Kirk out.” Jim shut his communicator, shoved it back into his coat pocket. He sighed.

Spock was checking his tri-corder again.

“Do you think you could find us a hot bowl of soup with that thing?” Jim only half joked.

“My tri-corder cannot pinpoint such an object. However, I detect a presence of a brick and masonry structure. Just over the hill.”

“Let’s go.”

They trudged up the hill in the heavy snow, barely able to see, then down the hill, hanging on to each other at this point, their feet sinking down, yet again, with every step.

They hiked on for what seemed like forever.

“I thought you told me the brick structure was right over the hill,” Jim said.

“Jim, why do you delight in making me look foolish?” Spock quipped.

“Who’s making you look foolish? I just thought you said that structure was just over the hill. I don’t see anything.”

“Perhaps you need your eyes examined,” Spock shot back.

“What? Spock, I—”

“It is right there, Jim. Do you see?” Spock pointed with one mitten.

Jim squinted in the snow. Sure enough there was a brick structure, after all. Right in front of them. “Damn, if it had been a snake, it would have bit me.”

Jim was certain that Spock probably had raised another eyebrow, but still, he couldn't see it, Spock was wrapped up so warmly.

They reached the front door of the structure. Jim knocked on it.

Nobody answered.

“Hello!” Jim said. He knocked again. He stared in through the window, peering beyond a curtain. It was dark inside. “Hello? Anybody home?” He banged on the glass.

Still no answer.

“Hmm,” Jim said. “It doesn’t appear to be inhabited.”

Spock did another tri-corder reading. “Correct. No life forms.”

“Great. An abandoned structure.”

“We do not know it is abandoned, they might merely be away,” Spock said.

Jim balled his fist, smashed the window next to the door.

“Jim! What are you doing?”

“Seeking shelter from the storm. What are you doing, Spock?” Jim reached around, found the door handle, unlocked it.

“This is breaking and entering,” Spock said.

“We're in survival mode. We’ll leave a note of apology.”

“Suppose the owner of this structure returns to find us here?”

“Hopefully Scotty can beam us up before that happens. Flashlight, my dear Mr. Spock,” Jim said. Spock opened the storage door of the tri-corder, got one out for him. Jim turned it on, illuminated the way. They went through the open door, shut it and the storm behind them.

It was a cabin. Rather comfortably appointed. It had a beautiful dark hardwood floor. A soft fluffy rug covered the area in the living room. There was sofa and a loveseat, a coffee table and a large stone fireplace. There was also a modern kitchen with a refrigerator and stove, two bedrooms, a full bathroom with a claw foot tub and a shower.

“See if you can find a lamp or other illumination, Spock."

“Already engaged in that task, Jim." Spock took off a mitten. There was a lamp in the corner. Fingers diving under a lampshade, he twisted the switch and it illuminated the entire living area

“Good work, Spock.” Jim shut off his flashlight. “Hey, this place is kinda nice.”

Spock shrugged. “Indeed. It is more than adequate for shelter.”

Jim explored the kitchen, finding the refrigerator fully stocked with food. “Oh shit."

Spock was in like a shot, right behind him. “Jim?”

“This cabin isn’t abandoned. I had a feeling it wasn’t. This refrigerator has food. Lots of it. And look, there’s brandy, and wine.”

Jim turned, checked the bedrooms again, the bathroom. He exited to inform Spock: “Linens and blankets on the bed. Toilet paper in the bathroom. Towels. Almost seems like they were expecting us. Too bad it doesn’t have any Christmas decor.”

“Perhaps the owner does not celebrate it,” Spock said.

“Maybe not.” Jim checked the stove. “I wonder if this is operable.”

“Jim, what are you doing?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” Jim looked on the counter, found a bowl of fruit. “Look there’s an apple.” He picked it up, bit into it.

“Jim, we cannot partake of their supplies.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll replace everything. Spock, why don’t you go investigate if there is any wood for that fireplace, or maybe it’s gas.”

“Surely you do not propose utilizing their fuel?”

“Why not? It’s cold in here.”

Spock hesitated a moment, then seemed to reluctantly do as ordered. As Jim searched the refrigerator, he found bread, butter, some vegetables, a thick juicy steak but that might make the Vulcan uncomfortable so he put that back. He found a pan, put them in to be roasted. He bit again into the apple as he did so, found some other ingredients, then put the pan into the oven. He turned it on.

Suddenly, the entire cabin felt much warmer, he removed his coat and hat.

Spock rejoined him in the kitchen. “Wood fireplace.”

“Good work.”

Spock huffed in response.

“Take off your coat, stay awhile,” Jim said.

“What if the inhabitants do not take so kindly to us imposing? Perhaps they might be armed.”

“Don’t worry, Spock. I’ll explain everything to anybody who shows up, before they start shooting at us. Come on, there’s a blizzard! The owner won't here any time soon. They probably took shelter at somebody else’s cabin. It won’t take Scotty that long to fix the transporter. Come on, Spock, take off your coat.”

Spock did so, rather abruptly. “This reminds me of a children’s story called Goldilocks and the Three Bears.”

Jim merely smiled and shook his head.

Spock took Jim’s coat from him, then disappeared with them into the other room. Spock then rejoined him in the kitchen clad in only his uniform.

Jim found a bottle of expensive pinot noir. “Would you look at this. How about a glass of real red wine with dinner, Spock?”

“Jim, we are imposing upon the—”

Jim got a corkscrew, opened it. Poured some into a glass. “Yes or no, Spock?”

“Jim?”

“Hmmm?”

“Is this your cabin?”

“No, of course not. Why would it be mine? Why would you ask me such a thing?”

“I do not know. Please tell me this is your cabin. Jim?”

“Alright it’s mine.”

“It is? And when were you going to inform me? Nevertheless, it is a relief.”

“Actually, it’s not my cabin. Not at all.”

Spock blinked at him. “Why did you say it was? Jim, I fail to understand—”

“Spock, would you like a glass of wine? Stop looking at me like that. I promise I will replace everything that we have consumed in this cabin. Desperate measures call for desperate action.”

“Drinking their wine is not what I would consider survival mode.”

“Bottle’s already open. Can’t let it go to waste.”

Spock folded his arms. “So this is not your cabin. Why did you tell me it was?”

“Spock. I was making a little joke.”

“Very little.”

"It's wishful thinking."

"Hmm."

“Great, now I have to deal with a pissed off Vulcan. Have a goddamned glass of wine.”

“Jim,” Spock said in a quiet tone.

“Spock! Come on. Enough. Please?” Jim begged. Spock nodded. “I’ve been wanting to get you into a place like this for long time. Just let me have my fantasy that this cabin is ours, okay?”

“Fair enough, Jim.”

“Dinner will be ready soon.” Jim handed over a glass to Spock.

“Dinner?”

“It’s in the oven.” Jim held out his own glass of wine, clinked it against Spock’s. “Cheers.” Spock took a tentative sip of the liquid. “What do you think, Spock?”

“Flavorful.”

“It is. I’m really looking forward to eating this food, I’ll tell you that. Why don’t you go into the living room. Relax on the couch? In front of the fire.”

Spock sighed. “I will do so.”

The timer dinged, Jim took the food out of the oven. He put it on two plates, took it out into the living room. The fire was roaring, nice and hot. Even though there was a dining room table, Jim elected not to use it, instead he set the plates in front of them on the coffee table right in front of the fire. “That fireplace needs some stockings. Should be a Christmas tree in the corner. Some presents. Music. Mistletoe.” Jim smiled wistfully.

“Jim, we shall be back aboard the Enterprise, soon, so that you can celebrate your Earth holiday.”

“Christmas aboard ship just isn't the same. Not like Christmas on terra firma. Yeah we have a Christmas party scheduled tomorrow night, but no real Christmas tree, it’s a fake one. Reconsitutted food, no snow, just deck, no outdoors, just bulkheads. Not like here. Snow. Good food. Celebrating.” Jim sighed. “Eat your dinner, Spock. It’s vegetarian stew, just how you like it.”

Spock did so. “Hmmm,” he said in an approving tone of voice.

“Taste okay?”

“I must agree that this meal makes a refreshing change to shipboard food.”

Jim tasted his own. “Yes, it sure does. I wish this really was our cabin. I wouldn’t mind spending my shore leaves here.”

“Agreed. This cabin is rather comfortable and warm.”

Jim took another sip of his wine. “That it is.”

“It is not everyday that I see you cooking, Jim.”

“Not everyday that I get the opportunity to do so.” Jim noticed that Spock had cleared the entire plate. “You must have been hungry.”

“More so than I realized. And it was delicious. Thank you, Jim.”

“Would you like seconds?”

“May I?”

“Of course.” Jim got up.

“I can fetch it, Jim. Please, sit. Would you also like seconds?”

Jim sat down as Spock got up. “No, but how about another glass of wine? Do you mind?”

“Not at all.”

Spock took Jim’s glass, disappeared into the kitchen. He returned a moment later, carrying the bottle, Jim’s glass and more food on his plate. “Are you certain you do not wish any more food?”

“You were the one who was griping about eating their food.”

“It is not every day that I consume food as delectable as this, Jim.”

Jim smiled, Spock smirked.

“You brought the whole bottle of wine, do you think the two of us are going to have time to polish it off? Scotty is pretty handy with repairs you know.”

Spock shrugged as he took the bottle, poured another glassful for Jim, topped up his own.

“I believe I have never seen you drink pinot noir before, Spock.”

“For everything there is a first time, Jim.”

Jim held out his glass, clinked it against Spock’s. “Cheers.”

After dinner, they left the wine on the coffee table, but carried the plates into the kitchen. “I will wash and you can dry,” Spock suggested.

Jim smiled again. “I have never seen you do dishes before.”

“What do you take me for, Jim? A slob?”

Jim laughed at that. “Where’d you learn that word? From Bones? No, I suppose you’re definitely not a slob. You keep your quarters extremely tidy, that’s for sure.”

“It is regulation.”

“I know, but you should see the state of some of the ensigns’ quarters, especially Chekov's. Last inspection, oh my God. Disgusting.”

“I have always been tidy, since childhood.”

“That’s good.”

Spock turned on the water, squirted dish soap in, made the appropriate amount of suds. Jim watched, approvingly. It was adorable, seeing Spock perform domestic chores. He could picture the owner of the cabin walking in on them, as Spock’s hands were deep in suds. He resisted the urge to flick soapsuds at Spock.

However, nobody walked in on them as they finished cleaning the dishes and the rest of the kitchen. The place was soon sparkling, just as they found it.

Jim peeked in the refrigerator again. He found something. “Look. Here’s some pecan pie.” He checked the freezer. “And some ice cream.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Ice cream?”

“Your favorite,” Jim said. “Vanilla.  Want it on top the pecan pie?”

“I would prefer only the ice cream.”

“How many scoops?”

“Three.”

Jim chuckled. “Go sit on the couch, I’ll bring it out to you.”

*

They were silent for a few moments, finishing the last of the pie. Jim had another glass of wine. “That was damned good pie.”

“And ice cream,” Spock added. “The Enterprise fake iced confection is nothing like the real thing."

“We’ll have to go to 'Farrells' on Earth, for your next birthday.”

Spock paused a moment, thoughtfully. Then nodded. “Agreed.”

“I’d better see how Scotty’s progressing on those repairs.” Jim got up, dug into his coat, found it, came back to the sofa, flipped it open. “Kirk to Enterprise.”

“Scott here.”

“Status report.”

“Aye. Well. I hope you have obtained shelter, Captain.”

“Why’s that, Scotty?”

“Ach, well, it canna be fixed until several more hours, possibly eight.”

“Eight?”

“Aye. We’re working on it.”

“Alright, Scotty. I’ll contact you in eight hours. Kirk out.”

“You do not wish hourly bulletins, Jim?” Spock asked.

Jim yawned. “No, I’m getting a little tired. More than a little. How about another glass of wine?”

“I will if you do,” Spock replied. Spock got up, took the plates into the kitchen. Jim heard the water running and assumed Spock was washing those too. The Vulcan returned to the living room, sat down on the couch. The fire felt good on the old bones Jim had to admit.

He yawned again.

“Jim, if you wish to nap in the bedroom, I can remain out here for watch, in case anyone arrives.”

“No, no, no. I don’t think I want to go that far. Maybe we could, you know, sit down in front of the fire.  On the floor.”

“Would you like your sleeping bag, Jim?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot we had those things. I suppose we could lay down in front of the fire in sleeping bags.”

“Myself as well?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Spock shrugged, got the sleeping bags out of each of their respective backpacks.

They laid theirs down, next to each other. Jim noticed the bottle of wine was empty. “See if they have another bottle, Spock. Or maybe, some brandy would be better. Would you like some brandy, too?”

“I would.”

Spock went into the kitchen then brought out the bottle and two glasses. Jim dived into his sleeping bag. “Damn,” he said.

“What is it?”

“I hate these things. They’re always too constrictive.”

“I have a solution, Jim. How about we unzip the both of them, lay one on top of the other.”

“Alright, Spock.” Spock handed him the glass of brandy. Jim took a sip. Hmmm. Nice. They unzipped each sleeping bag, laid them on top of each other. Jim dove in between them. Spock got in with him. “Now when the cabin owner comes home he’ll find us snuggled up like two kittens.”

Spock made a small sound in response, like a slight laugh but it couldn't have been and if it was it was probably because of the booze.

“I don’t know if I can handle a drunk Vulcan,” Jim said. “Can’t keep my eyes open.”

“Sleep, Jim, I will watch over you.” Jim handed his glass over to Spock, who set it down.

Spock took his arm, put it around Jim, pulled him close, so that Jim’s head now lay on his chest. Jim could hear Spock breathe, his heartbeat.

“Hmmm,” Jim said. “This is nice.”

Spock began stroking Jim’s hair. “It is. Beloved.”

“Know what? This is the most perfect evening I’ve ever had in my entire life.”

“Agreed.”

It always felt good to be in Spock’s arms, felt good that Spock was caressing his hair. They could never sleep together in each other’s quarters on board ship, the captain had no real privacy, so anytime they could snatch a moment alone together like this was special. Before Jim fell asleep, he imagined a Christmas tree in the corner, candy cane ornaments, lights, holly, and two stockings, one with ‘Spock’ on it and the other ‘Jim’.

*

Spock lay, underneath the sleeping bag, holding onto Jim. He stared at the fire. He found the warmth and the physical contact was also comforting and making his eyes grow very heavy. He found himself dozing off.

*

Spock heard a noise, such as a giggle from a woman. He opened his eyes. Glanced around himself, on the floor. Fascinating. One of those Earth style green pine 'Christmas Trees' stood in the corner. Albeit an undecorated one. Did not the humans usually put things on it? Glass baubles and lights and tinsel? He tilted his head. On the mantel of the fireplace, there was holly with bright red berries, stockings with names on it (he could not ascertain precisely what names from his angle.).

Jim was still by his side, snuggled against him, snoring. He tapped Jim on the shoulder. “Jim. Jim, wake up.”

Jim, strangely, did not awaken. Spock got to his feet.

Footsteps. Suddenly, Dr. McCoy appeared from the kitchen. “It’s alright. It’s alright. It’s just me. Everything’s fine.”

“Doctor? What is going on? How did you get in here?”

“Wasn’t expecting you to wake up so soon. Shot you both with a hypo while you were asleep.” The doctor had a sheepish expression on his face. “Haven’t finished decorating yet.”

Spock straightened his uniform tunic. “I assume the transporter has been fully repaired by Mr. Scott.”

“Yes, Mr. Spock. Scotty fixed it and I immediately beamed down when cleared to do so. I was a little worried I’d be turned inside out, but I materialized intact and everything’s fine!”

Spock looked around. “This must be your cabin? Why did you not inform—”

Dr. McCoy held up a key. “Wasn’t before. It is now.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I saw this nice cabin you’d taken shelter in and was able to contact the owner. I made an offer they couldn’t refuse and they took it. I bought it.”

“You bought this cabin, just now?”

“That’s right. I’ll just have to repair the window you broke, getting in here, but yeah, I did.”

“So therefore--”

“This cabin was actually up for sale anyway.” Dr. McCoy broke into a huge smile. “Isn’t that convenient?”

“Yes, I dare say so.”

There was a loud voice giggling, that same woman’s voice. Yeoman Tonia Barrows came around the corner from presumably one of the bedrooms wearing civilian clothing. “HI, MR. SPOCK!”

“Shhhh!” Dr. McCoy said to her, holding up his hands. “Hush, honey. You don’t want to wake up the sleeping captain, do ya?”

“Sorry.” She immediately lowered her voice. “He looks so cute asleep.”

Spock sighed. He located then scooped up Jim’s communicator.

“What are you doing, Spock?” McCoy sputtered.

“What does it look like, Doctor?”

“You can’t beam back up to the ship! I bought this cabin. We can spend Christmas here. The four of us.”

Spock shook his head. “Negative.”

“Oh, come on!” McCoy pouted. “You goddamned Grinch.”

“Now that the transporter has been repaired, I have duties to perform aboard the Enterprise.”

“I don’t think so, Spock. You’re on leave. What about Jim?”

“The captain may stay here if he wishes. I do not need to be involved.”

“Bullshit. I know about you and Jim.”

Spock shot him a look.

“Oh yeah, Spock. You two have been sneaking around. But I know. The truth.”

Spock stared into the doctor’s steely blue eyes. “Jim told you?”

“He didn’t have to. I know everything that goes on aboard the Enterprise. Everything. The point is, Spock, is that Christmas on terra firma is very important to Jim. Snow on the ground, a roaring fireplace, real food, togetherness. He’s only been talking about it for ages. And you’re very important to Jim. Why not spend Christmas right here? In this cabin. With Jim and Tonia and I. This cabin is fully stocked, warm and comfortable, the beds too.” Dr. McCoy went on, teeth clenched: “And, if you let me finish decorating for Christmas, it’ll look gorgeous in here come tomorrow morning.”

Spock sighed.

“Spock, take Jim to bed in the bedroom on the left. When you two wake up in the morning we’ll all celebrate Christmas together,” Dr. McCoy hissed. “That’s a medical order.”

Spock narrowed his eyes. “I do not believe that falls under—”

“Wrong, you’re both under the influence of a mild sedative combined with all the booze you both drank. Which means technically you’re both my patients.”

Spock sighed again.

“Oooh,” Tonia said. “Spock’s trapped on a technicality.”

Dr. McCoy folded his arms. “Sho nuff.”

“Miss Barrows,” Spock warned.

“Well, aincha?” Dr. McCoy said.

Spock pointed at the doctor. “We shall talk about this abuse of medical authority, later.”

“Until then, please take your lover and put him to bed, Spock.”

*

The smell of coffee infiltrated Jim’s nostrils. Hmmmm. Smelled so good. He opened his eyes. He was face down in bed. Spock was curled up next to him, asleep.

Wait a minute. He didn’t recognize this bed. His bunk on the Enterprise wasn’t this comfortable or large. Last he’d remembered, they’d fallen asleep on the floor in the living room taking shelter from the blizzard.

He flipped around, bolted upright. “Spock?”

Spock woke up. The Vulcan yawned and rubbed his eyes, looking rather like a kitten when he did so.

“What in the hell’s going on?” Jim asked.

Before Spock could answer, there was a knock at the bedroom door. “All y'all decent?” a voice called out.

Jim got to his feet in a panic.

“Jim,” Spock said, reaching out to him. “Wait.”

The door opened, it was Bones. Bones? Jim glanced down at himself, realized he was completely nude. He grabbed the duvet, covered himself.

“Ah, hell, Jim why the fuck didn’t you tell me you weren’t decent?”

“Bones?” Jim breathed. “What’s….where am…what are you...where the hell are we?” He pinched himself. “I must be dreaming.”

“It’s alright, Jim. It’s alright.” Bones entered, closed the door behind him. The man was clad in only a red robe and grey pajama bottoms, and what looked like fluffy cow slippers. “You two sleep well? You should have.”

“This, uh…” Jim waved back and forth between he and Spock, “isn’t what it looks like.”

Bones laughed. “That’s a crock.”

Jim looked at Spock. “He knows,” Spock replied.

Jim sighed, mightily. “I assume the transporter has been fixed.”

Bones nodded.

“Why wasn't I notified?”

“You were out like a light,” Bones said. “Like sleeping beauty. Without the beauty part.”

“The owner of this cabin will be home shortly,” Jim said.

Bones held up an old fashioned key. “Nope.”

“Huh?”

Spock cleared his throat. “Dr. McCoy purchased this cabin.”

Jim looked from Spock over to Bones. “You…you…bought this place?”

“It was up for sale,” Bones said. The doctor suddenly tossed him the keys. Jim caught them. “And now, it’s your cabin. My gift to you. Merry Christmas, you two.”

“You…you…you bought us this cabin,” Jim stammered.

“Yeah.”

Jim was stunned. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, you could say, ‘thank you’.”

“Thank you,” Jim said.

Bones shook his head. “You want some coffee?”

“Is that what I smell?” Jim asked.

“Yeah. Put some clothes on before you come out. Tonia’s here, too.”

“Tonia?”

“Yeoman Barrows,” Spock said.

“Ah. That’s your…uh…?” Jim said.

“Yeah,” Bones said. “She sure is.” He winked at Jim.

Spock rolled his eyes.

“There’s something in your closet for you both to wear,” Bones said over his shoulder, opening the door. “Something festive.” He exited, shutting the bedroom door.

Jim sat down on the bed. “I can’t believe this.”

Spock scooted over, touched him. “It is quite unbelievable, agreed.”

“Bones bought us this cabin? You know what it means, Spock? We can come back here any time we want to.” Jim broke out into a huge smile. “I mean, that is, if you’re alright with it.”

“I am amenable to spending time here, yes Jim.”

“Good. Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”

“I am certain.”

“I’m not dead, am I?”

Spock huffed out a small puff of air. “No.”

“We’re not on the holodeck.”

“We are not.”

“So this is real.”

“It is indeed.”

Jim got to his feet again, went over to the closet, opened it. “Good. I think I’ve pinched myself fifty times by now.” There were two robes, slippers, a small selection of hilarious ugly Christmas sweaters, pants that fit the both of them. “Bones bought all of this?”

“One must surmise that he did so.”

“I swear that guy must be bucking for a raise or an increase in rank.” Jim examined each sweater. “This one would look good on you. Red’s your color.”

Spock got out of bed, finally, and only then did Jim realize the Vulcan was also nude. “Who took off our clothing and put us to bed?” Jim asked.

“I did. And you, attempting to help me.”

“Damn. I must have had a ton to drink last night.”

“Wine and brandy.”

“I guess that will do it. Remind me never to imbibe ever again.”

“Right, Jim.”

Jim brought out a sweater. “Look at this one.” He held it against Spock’s chest. “Perfect.”

“No. I shall not wear that. I will don my uniform. Thank you.” The Vulcan indicated the blue tunic also hanging up.

“Oh, come on. Please?”

“Dr. McCoy will never cease teasing me if I wore that.”

“I’ll tell him to shut his mouth. Please?”

*

Jim and Spock exited the bedroom. As they walked towards the kitchen they heard Bones’ voice: “Baby, you cain’t be runnin’ around in that itty bitty thang, there’s other people here ‘sides us, Doll. Ya gotta put somethin’ else on.”

“But I’m comfortable in this, Lenny.”

Jim mouthed over to Spock: “Lenny?”

Spock shrugged.

Jim announced their entry, loudly. “Merry Christmas!”

Bones glanced up. “Hi Jim, Spock! Merry Christmas.” He smirked at Spock’s ugly Christmas sweater.

Jim pointed at the doctor. “Not a word.”

“What? It looks good on him.”

Jim started when he noticed Yeoman Tonia Barrows was clad in the skimpiest, sexiest nightie ever. Red, sheer, with spaghetti style straps, the short baby doll had white fur on the bottom. She wore matching red with white fur panties under it. You also could see her nipples. Both Jim and Spock stared.

Bones went over to Tonia, smacked her ass. She sauntered off, squealing. “You’ll have to excuse our informal attire here,” Bones said. He shook his head. “Damn. I don’t know how I’m gon' keep out of the bedroom, with her looking like that.”

Jim was dumfounded. “I agree. I guess.”

Bones handed Jim a coffee and Spock an herbal tea out of steaming mugs. They both thanked him.

“Hey Jim, I have an idea,” Bones said. “It’s up to you, of course, this is your cabin, but how about we uh…have our Christmas Party tonight right here? Invite the skeleton crew down in shifts. I know Scotty would appreciate it. Be good for morale. I’ll cook. Got enough food and drink for an army.”

Tonia came back over. Bones grabbed her waist, pulled her close, before planting a huge kiss on her. Jim watched. Jim couldn’t remember ever witnessing Bones kissing anyone before. Bones must have, the man had been married before, but damn those two looked good together. Bones looked content. Younger. Virile.

“Sure,” Jim said. “Sounds good.”

“Well, how about some breakfast? Why don’t you two go into the living room and get comfy while you wait?”

“Alright.”

They entered the living room to find: “Oh my God!” Jim gasped.

The entire room was…completely Christmas. A fully decorated, real, green, pine tree.  Gifts surrounded it on a red velvet tree skirt. The tree’s scent was invigorating. Delicate Glass ball ornaments in white, gold, silver. Multi-colored chili lights. Silver garland. On the mantel of the roaring fireplace: Holly with big red berries. Christmas stockings. There was a grand piano in the opposite corner Jim hadn’t seen last night. It was also decorated with holly. The windows were also decorated with garland and big red bows.

On the dining room table there were candles lit on a lace runner There was a plate full of Sugar Plums. Jim went over, sampled one. “Mmmmmm.”

Spock stared in obvious shock. Drinking his tea. “Fascinating.”

“Look at this place,” Jim breathed. “It’s so Christmassy.”

“What do ya think?” Bones asked from behind them. “Took me most of the night to do up all of this.”

“Wow,” Jim said.

“Except, I didn’t put those gifts under the tree. Or in the stockings.” Bones went over, picked one up. “What the devil?”

“What?” Jim asked.

“They’re from Santa Claus,” Bones said.

“Santa?” Jim said.

Spock rolled his eyes again. “Santa does not exist.”

“Doesn’t he? Then who put these here?” Bones said, setting the gift back down. “There’s gifts for each of us. Our names are on them.”

“You put the gifts here, Doctor, and wrote on the tag: ‘From Santa’,” Spock said.

“I didn’t do it,” Bones said. “Honest. That’s not my handwriting.”

Jim went over, examined a gift. “You’re right, Bones.  It’s too legible to be yours.”

“See?”

“I don’t think we should open these,” Jim said.

“What?!” Bones asked. “What do you mean?”

“I think we should get out of here.” Jim struggled to remember what he’d done with his communicator.

“What?” Bones said.

“If you didn’t put the gifts here, and Santa isn’t real, then somebody put these here,” Jim said. “We might be in danger.”

“Danger? From Christmas gifts? Hey, maybe Santa IS real,” Bones said, then looked up wide eyed. “He has to be.”

“You’re insane, Bones.”

“Then how did they get here? Aw, Jim, can we open them? Please?” Bones whined. Tonia appeared, still in that nightie, Bones snaked a hand around her waist pulled her close.

“Damn Bones, you’re like a big kid!” Jim complained. “Alright, alright, fine we can open them.”

Spock glanced over at the doctor, who winked at him. Spock smirked back.

*

Jim had opened his gift to find a giant train set. “Wow!” Jim said. “Spock, remember when I was complaining that I’d never had one growing up? I’d always wanted an old fashioned nineteenth century Lionel train set?”

“I remember.”

Spock had opened his gift to find a Real Ice Cream maker. “Fascinating,” he breathed.

“Look Spock!” Jim read on the box. “All you have to do is put ice and milk in here and it transforms it into real ice cream in minutes!”

Spock nodded. “I will certainly get a great deal of use out of this.”

Jim leaned over and kissed Spock. "I'm glad."

Bones opened his gift: Some antique medical texts that he was drooling over. To each his own. And Tonia opened hers. Well, lets not say what she got. Santa was obviously very naughty.

—

Spock went over to the piano, played a few notes. He noticed a tag on it. “To Spock from Santa.” He glanced up at Dr. McCoy.

“There’s music in the seat. Some Christmas music. If you’re so inclined,” Dr. McCoy said. “You can play Christmas music, can’t you?”

Spock took the sheet music out of the seat, examined a few selections. “I can play anything.”

*

Spock was standing next to Tonia when suddenly Bones yelled out. “HA! You’re standing under the mistletoe!”

Spock positively went pale, looked up and sure enough under the doorway was a sprig of the stuff.

Rather than putting up a fight, Spock pulled Tonia into his arms, dipped her like they do in the movies and kissed her on the mouth. Jim applauded. The kiss seemed to go on too long for Bones’ liking because the doctor said: “Alright you two, that’s enough.”

Spock released her. Gave Bones a killer eyebrow. Jim laughed. Bones was wearing a Christmas apron because he had just put a turkey in the oven. Jim wished he could cook like him.  Bones could have been a chef if he hadn’t been a doctor.

*

A short time later, Jim noticed Bones and Tonia had disappeared. “Now where in the hell did those two go?” Jim asked.

“Take a guess,” Spock said.

“Jesus H. Christ! Now?”

“Apparently any time is a good time.”

“He’s got a turkey in the oven for crying out loud.  Any stuffing should belong in the turkey, only.”

“The turkey will not be done for hours.”

“Hmmm.”

Jim grabbed Spock’s hand and led him into the bedroom. To get there, they had to creep past Bones and Tonia’s bedroom, and listen to: “Oh…. Lenny… yeah do it like that,” and moans from Bones. Spock wrinkled up his face in disgust. Jim clamped down on a giggle.

They reached their bedroom, shut the door. “Let’s show those two kids how it’s really done,” Jim said.

*

A short time later, McCoy got up for a pee.

As he exited his bedroom and walked down the hallway to get to the bathroom he heard moans that first sounded like they were from Spock and then some more from Jim. He froze. Listened a moment. Smiled.

He went into the bathroom. He was glad those two were having a good Christmas. They could finally relax and enjoy themselves. Not to mention he was, too. Tonia was a fucking minx, hot at hell in her Christmas nightie. He could hardly keep his paws offa her. Goddamn.

That turkey would be done in a few hours, the crew would be showing up for the Christmas party around 7. Spock would play beautiful Christmas Music on that antique grand piano he’d found on the Interstellar Trading Depot.

Not bad. Not bad at all. Merry Christmas.

_______  
end

"Jim and Spock Christmas Kiss" 


End file.
